; thinking of you.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

6:50 PM

To say that life sucks -
Well, that's an understatement.
You can tell me about this gift of life, this sacred blessing; you can preach to me about its beauty and its value.
But how can one not agree with the fact that life irrevocably, equivocably sucks?

As you cross the potholed streets of life with your heart on your sleeve and a smile on your face.
As you feel the world in your mind suddenly change. You feel it in the water, in the earth, as you smell it in the air. When darkness creeps into the forests of your mind, as whispers fill your head - murmurs of unspeakable fears.

Perhaps that's what life is, no? Conquests of our inner fears; learning to live with those fears tucked into the very corners of our mind.

What do I fear most?
Fear itself.

Life is riddled with strategically placed moments of pure fear; they could be little happenings of our daily routines like a failed test, a failed relationship, a failed job. A failed life.

But nevertheless, they are no less fatal. These fears that we grow up with will never leave us.

They say the only way to conquer fear is to face fear itself.

But can we, really? Is is that easy to accomplish? Because I'm sorry, but I've got no darned courage to speak of in the first place, so how can you possibly ask me to be brave with just a flick of your hand and a nonchalant remark from those hypocritic lips of yours?

Conquering fear is not about having the joy of spending your days unafraid. It's about learning how to live life, and, well, is there anyone who really knows how to?

Saturday, February 10, 2007

11:10 PM

So tell me.
As you open your raw lids while golden sunrays spill onto your plaster walls, as you blithely draw the bristles of the toothbrush across your teeth, daubed with smatterings of paste-white Colgate -
have you ever wondered what you were doing it for?
Wondering, why were you doing it? Why did you go to school, eat meals, play with friends, sleep with lovers, cry between four blank walls of death?

What are you living for?
Do you live for yourself - to enjoy, to revel, to relish?
Or do you wake up for someone else - for a lover, for a daughter, for the Lord?

Or, perhaps, you loiter in limbo, an in between of these two positions: enjoying living for your God, maybe? To love and be loved, and so to revel in basking glory of love?

I live not for the pleasures, not for the decadence, and not for the honour of life, but for the beauty of it -for the chance to live at all, and experience all the miracles it presents us with; from the births of babies to the beatific gifts of love.

I live for these things; to see the birth of my newborn, to feel the love of my husband, to hear the melodies of beatifully woven songs. To feel love. And despair - for nothing is complete, plausible or believable without sorrows.

I linger in no-man's land, torn between two sides, uncertain but sure of the things that I live for, for the people that I pull through each day for.

For is life not a pain unto itself? Is life not a blessing without curses?

Is life really everything that we've always dreamed of?

profile.

rachel sim.
seven-oh one-ninety three.
fifteen.
~~scgs.~~
rafflesian!
guitar ensemble!
blogskinner bubblewrap.
loves her guitars.
loves her books.
loves music, both oldies and contemporaries.

loves maroon 5, my chemical romance, coldplay, mcfly, deathcab for cutie, queen, clay aiken, five for fighting, the eagles, elvis.

loves stardust, star wars, lotr, v for vendetta, babel, romeo and juliet, emma, gone with the wind, CRASH, Moulin Rouge, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Pianist, Back to the Future, Walk the Line, The Departed

loves friends. and chandler bing.

loves david rocco, nigella lawson and JAMIE OLIVER.

links.