No one is ever satisfied with her life.
We think that our needs will be sated, if we just have that one crumpler bag or those funky high tops.But once we get them, something else bigger, better and more expensive comes along and the whole cycle of whining to parents starts all over again.
I'm a quitter with insatiable desires. I can't help it, it seems to be innate and practically uncurable. There was once upon a time, that I wanted to learn the piano, I wanted to learn the flute, I wanted to learn ballet, jazz, judo, painting, Spanish, Italian, how to cook linguine, how to skateboard, how to act. I wanted lots of things, all of which I lost interest just a few weeks later.
I give up in everything I do, I just can't seem to pull through difficulties that everyone else faces with ease. I quit badminton in P4, when I started to lose interest. Then in P5, Jessica and Smily got me so excited about it again that I joined it, quitting about four months later. In P2, I started learning the violin. When my teacher told me that I had some talent in me, I dreamt of growing up to be a famous violinist. I listened to the violin group Bond, aspiring to be just like them. I admired their funky black and wood violins, dreaming of my own in years to come. Three years later, I quit violin because I lost interest in it, and at the end of P5, I took up guitar.
This afternoon, I just heard Bond again. My mom played it over the car stereo, and I was extremely surprised by the familiar sounding violins. And it made me long to hold that violin again, to become the professional musician I wanted to be.
When I was still playing the violin, there were times I grew really tired of it. I would sit the tiny instrument on my lap and start plucking away, as if it were a guitar, inventing my own fingerings along the way. Now, as I hold the heavy, polished guitar, my thoughts start to wander to the times when, with the carefree, lightweight violin that I would hoist onto my shoulder, I would start playing Minuet in G.
It's funny that when I want something, I really want it. But when I finally get it ... the desire to want it is gone.
I want to be a perfect guitarist, but I have no patience for it. It's the same thing as before, I wanted to be a smashing good badminton player, bringing home trophies, I wanted to be a martial artist, kicking butt off the streets, I wanted to be the next Vanessa Mae, rolling out sweet melodies on my violin.
It's all about wants. No one can honestly tell me that she is satisfied with her life, that she desires nothing but what she already has, that she longs for nothing better than that of hers.
A Roxy wallet. A crumpler bag. An Ipod. A pair of Converse high tops. Everyone has her material wants.
And you ask me why people aren't happy in this world.