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Saturday, April 29, 2006
10:25 PM

I was just looking through my sister's english file today, when I came across her Commonwealth Essay.
It was quite well-written, considering she'd never had english tuition in her life. But what struck me most was how different her composition was from mine. Her style of writing was the Learning Lab style: It was how a student model composition in Learning Lab would be like, the run-of-the-mill phrases (you know, 'like a deer caught in headlights' etcetera). It was as if she poured her vocabulary book of compo phrases into those pieces of foolscap, just like a Learning Lab student model. The type of composition where you seriously plan a mindmap, stick closely to the subject, add in fancy phrases and adhere to the ten percent dialogue rule.
I remember I always used to get excited about writing compositions in Learning Lab. I was so eager, I almost always went off topic, or I used way too much dialogue, or I forgot to throw in Learning Lab's favourite description phrases. The compo would often come back as NA, Not-Applicable, with harsh red marks across the paper. Things like, "You're way too off-topic, Rachel! Remember, always plan carefully and stick to your subject!" or "Too much dialogue, Rachel, I know you can do better than that!"
But that was the way I liked it. I didn't like having to stick to just one stupid topic, or the ridiculous ten percent dialogue rule. Which was why Ms Chang, my Learning Lab teacher, used to pull me aside and say, "Rachel, I know that you can write well, and I just want you to bring out your own potential. But you can't do that if you keep thinking that you're writing a whole entire story book instead of a compo based on a talking onion!"
I was just trying to be different. I didn't want to just write another monotonous compo. I wrote like that because I poured my feelings into it, so much that I would start to go off-topic, because I have too much to write about, too many emotions to express. And what better way to express emotions than through speech? Speech is a form of expression, there shouldn't be a limit to how much we use. I don't ask for a ninety percent allowance, I'm just asking for twenty, or maybe twenty-five. And instead of just gashing a red mark across the page as NA, why not just cut off some marks, even if I failed?
Which was why I always hated English composition-writing classes. I hate the way they dictate to us on how to write, what to write, why we should write. English compositions seem to have become Maths, there's even a new formula to writing a good composition.
But is that how people really feel? Shouldn't writing be something that comes freely out of your own heart, not shrewd calculations and draining of brain juices?
I know some don't agree with me, because whenever they follow the Learning Lab way, they always got the mark.
Yeah, I know, because I used to do that too. And I always got Ms Chang's approval.
Which is kind of biased if you ask me.


Saturday, April 22, 2006
10:53 PM

Today, I did what I loved most doing.
I turned on the computer, and started writing like mad.
I haven't written in months. I don't know where that energy has gone. Was it spent working my butt off on SAs? Or was it mostly wasted on strumming the guitar, wallowing in self-pity, morbid songs playing in my head?

Why do we change? Why does everyone think that I've changed so much, from a depressing bookworm to a 'social butterfly' (as quoted from rachel)?
Have I really changed that much, without even realising it?
And, yeah, with a sense of bitterness and regret, I admit that I have.
I kind of missed the way I used to be. I miss those days when I would come home from school, and look and mope at the sea. And then I would drown myself in English Breakfast tea, trying in vain to write a song - I have no musical talent whatsoever.
I miss the way that I could be, the way I was. I could be grouchy and moody however I liked. I had a legible excuse. I was a pessimistic sadist, I could act however I liked.
And now? Who can even act like a pessimistic sadist anymore? People just walk by you, not really noticing you for what you are.
Cellophane. They think they see right through you.
And today, I take back what I lost. I hate not being myself anymore. I hate not having anyone to relate to.
And once more, my fingers fly over the keyboard, typing words, sentences, paragraphs. Once more, I bury my head in a book, ignoring the Click Five on the radio, ignoring the trashy magazine featuring Jessica Alba that lies on the sofa.

I want to visit Jessica's hostel. A completely unrelated topic, I know, but it's just what I want to do. I shall talk to her about it on Monday.
My fellow William-Moseley follower.


Friday, April 21, 2006
11:37 PM

People ask me, why on earth do you want to go to New Zealand? Again, when you could go to America and Disneyland or Bali and the beaches? How can you stand that boring place, where all around you, it's just mountains and trees and rivers, and mountains and trees and rivers all over again.
That's the main thing. I love New Zealand because of the mountains and trees and rivers. I don't care that there are 97 million sheep and 4 million people.
Maybe once you're there, you'll feel it. It's undescribable. The fresh pine scented air, the crimson sunset at nine thirty. The infallible mountains and the lush green trees.
It's somewhere where you can forget about the stupid trivial things, that seem so important in life; the newest Roxy bag, the cheapest CD sale, the nicest Porsche.
Once you get there, you feel totally cut off from the world. All you notice, are the mountains and the forests and lakes. All you notice, are the abundance of wildlife around you, the crisp cool air of the dawn on your cheek. The beauty of the places untainted by the reaches of Man, unspoiled and pure.
New Zealand changes you. Once you get there, you can finally feel that sense of quietness you'll never be able to feel here in bustling Singapore. It's just you and the beautiful miracles of nature, and nothing else.


Sunday, April 16, 2006
9:56 PM

a cup of coffee, sitting on the table. it's made out of plain white porcelain, it's the colour of dirty mud. The smell of coffee beans waft through your nose, but somehow,you can't bear to look at it.you reach for it, the hesitation groaning in your bones, and before you even touch it, your fingers snap back instictively, all appetite lost.
it's what we all do. judging people before you even get to know them. you see their sagging, loose clothing, their scruffy, unkempt hair and you turn away in disgust.it's part of human nature. it's why we dress with care, and not just throw on any threadbare singlet or shorts. because to us, first impressions count. in our minds, we silently pray not to become the person whom everybody shuns, the person whom everybody looks at, but none of them seeing.but maybe first impressions don't mean that much. how can you judge a person,before he has even opened his mouth to speak, or before you have even gotten to know him? i don't know. maybe, for once, we should start practising what we preach. oh, they say, 'Don't judge a book by its cover', but do they really do that? do they really stop themselves every single day and make sure they get to know the person before making their own judgements? it's a mistake we all make. and it's a mistake I made, one that I regret so much even till today.


profile.

rachel sim.
seven-oh one-ninety three.
fifteen.
scgs.
rafflesian!
guitar ensemble!
blogskinner bubblewrap.
loves her guitars.
loves her books.
loves music, both oldies and contemporaries.

loves maroon 5, my chemical romance, coldplay, mcfly, deathcab for cutie, queen, clay aiken, five for fighting, the eagles, elvis.

loves stardust, star wars, lotr, v for vendetta, babel, romeo and juliet, emma, gone with the wind, CRASH, Moulin Rouge, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Pianist, Back to the Future, Walk the Line, The Departed

loves friends. and chandler bing.

loves david rocco, nigella lawson and JAMIE OLIVER.

links.
Renee
Sara
Rachel Tio
Bala
Bala's other blog
Jessica Chan
Rachel
Natalie
Joy
Joy's other blog
Joelle
Chloe
Denise
Ling Li
Si Yuan
Michelle Teo
Judith
Zeshan
Clara
Stephanie
Lynnie
Trisha
Val
Jiahui
Pan-e
Miss Goh
6sy blog

;raffles
104'06

104 blog
Cheryl(PSL)
Charlene(PSL)
Xian Ying(SPSL)
Ada(PSL)
Liting
April
Priscilla
Wen Yan
Jenny
Jessica
Sam
Qianyu
Rachel Ang
Huizi
Duxuan
Tienli

;205'07

Jiahe
Wan Ting
Irina
Kimberlyn
Natasha
Claire
Diyanah
Ivalyn
Danetta
Amanda
Izabel
Christine
Cheryl
205

;RGGE

Anna
Priya
Ying Jie
Val
Amanda

;307'08

Peixin

Preservation of the English Language League



tag.