How many times a day do people stop what they're doing, and muse about the things that they'd done in their life?
I don't know. Most of us are too busy to even think about it.
But I was listening to Hoobastanks' The Reason today, and it really jogged my memory, back to two years ago, in P5 when I first heard it on the radio.
Then it fast-forwarded all the way through P5 and P6 and to where I'm standing now.
And I realised, that I haven't done ANYTHING good at all, either for me, for my friends or my family.
I'm still a stupid introvert, who sucks at cca interviews.
I'm still a terrible friend.
I still haven't written a proper story that I'm proud of.
I still haven't done anything good that might remotely benefit the world.
I still haven't become a wonderful sister to Renee.
What am I doing with my life? I just wasted away thirteen years of it; flushed down the toilet bowl.
I don't know. Maybe part of the reason that I haven't done anything, is because I'm too afraid. Yet another thing I have to get over. My cowardice.
I'm such a huge failure. I'm not even as hardworking as Sara or as cheerful as Renee or as outgoing as Lynnie or as energetic as Jess. I'm just ... me.
And it seems like that isn't enough.